Shaira Tasnia
One unassuming summer day, a few days ago, I was commuting to work like usual. The sunlight was harsh; I was squinting and smouldering in the warmth of the sun's rays as I waited for a particularly late TTC bus. At last, it arrived and came to a stop in front of me and the others who were waiting: one or two other women, a group of darker, brown-skinned young men, and an elderly white man. The lady / ladies and I were already at the beginning of the line to get in, on account of us arriving there to wait earlier.
After I got on, from the corner of my eye, I saw the elderly white man place his arms in front of the brown-skinned men, saying,
“Ladies first. That’s how we do it in Canada,”
as the young men repeated very apologetically, “Sorry, sorry.”
That comment and his tone instantly perked up my ears, but also pierced my heart. Instantly, I considered how I would feel if someone talked to me like that, assuming I was some savage that didn’t know how to treat women with respect because, based on how I look, I’m not “from Canada.” If I truly wasn’t from Canada, being talked to like that might hurt even more.
Slowly, I realised there was a lot to unpack there. Is “ladies first” a sentiment that everyone shares? In the situation of getting on a bus, is it truly important to uphold? Because getting on a bus is not usually a formal occasion, I think I’ve seen people just get on in any order, depending on where they were standing. Men have let me get on first in the past to be polite, but those were isolated instances, and it wasn’t an end-all-be-all, was it?
I didn’t observe the situation with my head completely turned, so for the benefit of the doubt, let’s say the men were really trying to push the lady / ladies behind me to get in, although I’m almost certain they weren’t based on their proximity to the door. Could he have left it at, “Ladies first,” or “Let’s let them get on first,” instead of adding the, “That’s how we do it in Canada?” I don’t believe he was their Canadian Etiquette instructor [although perhaps that’s a possibility], so that comment made things racial, no? Assuming their background and experience with Canada based on their appearance?
Despite all this, I really wanted to assume the best of this elderly white man.
Ok, I guess his tone was on the more neutral, maybe even positive end, so maybe he was just trying to be helpful? Warning them this time so others don’t think negatively of them in the future? That makes a bit of sense, right? Yes, I really don’t know. The dichotomy of wanting to respect him because of his elderly age and feeling maybe he could have communicated a bit better truly is tricky.
Although I’m not sure how to unpack this for myself all that well yet, that was one anecdote related to racism & discrimination that you can take as food for thought.
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